When You’re Not You.

5 Minute Read.

These last 2 weeks have been a blur. And I couldn’t exactly figure out why until this morning. You know those moments of clarity, when your mind all of a sudden goes “OHHHHH, I GOT IT!” And you finally feel at peace? Well about 2 hours ago, my mind slipped into that place and I am so damn happy it did.

I think you need a little bit of background here, yeah? I’m going to ask you permission to get candid, not that I really need your permission, because, hey! This is my blog, isn’t it? But anyways, here I am, asking you for permission to dig deep. And my hope is that I can inspire you to do the same, especially when you find yourself in the position I’ve been in the last 2 weeks.

It all started on March 10th…..

I went into Philly for an event with my company, I had high hopes going into that event, and although it didn’t pan out quite the way I wanted it, too, it was still a successful night in my book. However, when I say night, I usually mean “ends at 11:30” kind of night. You see, I’m pretty systematic, I enjoy structure, and I enjoy a full day. So my bed time is 11:30 and my morning starts at 6:30. It’s just the way it is. However, this particular night dragged on until about 2 AM in the morning, and while it was a total blast, it threw me for a loop.

That loop continued into Friday, where I decided to sleep in to about 11 AM, which, if you know me, is very, very rare. I went about my daily routine, and I had a whole afternoon/evening scheduled to work on my business; if you can’t tell already, I’m not really the “get wasted and stay up all night” type of girl. I was at one point, but now I’m on to bigger and better things. And in my book, those better things revolve around my health coaching business. Yet, I decided, you know what? I’m only young once, so screw it! Let’s go back to Philly.

So I did. With one of my best friends in tow, we went back to Philly and had yet another late, late night. This night was filled with more alcohol than the night before, more food, more money spent, and ofcourse, some new friends. In many people’s books, this would be considered a “successful night”. But remember, I put off my work to do this. So I was backtracking–but I didn’t care, I was having fun.

Saturday Morning, I had already planned to do a St. Patty’s Day Bar Crawl with my best friend since 2008, and her boyfriend. I know I mentioned above that I’m not the “drinking and partying” type, but every once in a while, I actually do schedule in some good ol’ 22-year-old fun. And this was in my schedule. All day and all night we drank and we partied, we spent money, and we ate lots of delicious foods, and again, made some new friends, and saw some old.

And by Sunday Morning, I was DONE. Like SO done. All I wanted was my own bed, my blankey (yes, I still have one), some Advil, and that thing called sleep, which I had clearly forgotten about the last 4 days. And sleep I did. All day, with the exception of a few short hours that I was awake and working on catching up on all of the things I pushed to the side, but I felt so scatter brained and overwhelmed by the amount of work I needed to do, that again, I pushed the majority of it to the side. Little did I know what a whirlwind that would send me in over the next 2 weeks.

From the outside looking in, I am incredibly put together. I often get told to “slow down” and “enjoy your 20s”. Listen, when I’m working on my passions, and when I am excelling in my business, that’s when I feel most fulfilled, because it means I am helping more people and I am creating a better future for myself and my family. But nonetheless, everyone has their own way of living, and I respect that. So like I said, from the outside looking in, I’ve got it “goin on”. But little did I know, the next two weeks would be some of the toughest I’ve dealt with in a while….

Before I dive in to this, because I am putting this out there on the Internet, I feel as though I must say this: By no means do I believe my problems are bigger than anyone else’s. I understand that I have lived a beautiful life and continue to live a beautiful life. But my problems are MY problems, so I still deal with them and they’re still tough.

Anyways, in the next 2 weeks, I was playing catch up. I fell into this “funk”, all I wanted to do was sleep in, watch Netflix, and complain about how ready I am to graduate and be done with school. So you know what I did? Just that. My business suffered, and my grades suffered. Again, I was able to put on a good face, because I didn’t want to bring anyone else down with me, but my mind was racing, over and over agiain;  snap out of it.

And there were moments of clarity, where I was actually able to get out of bed at 6:30 AM, get to the gym, and continue on throughout my day in a productive and excited state, like I normally am. But there were more days where I struggled to get up and get moving, then there were like the one I just described.

I was not myself. Ever feel that way?

I was misaligned with my core values.

I was veering off course.

I was letting one day blur into the next.

Well, this morning, I realized it; I was neglecting to feed my soul, and instead I was doing what everyone else was telling me was “normal”.

Oh, you’re 22, you should be getting drunk every weekend! Live a little!

All of your classes start after 11 AM? Oh my gosh! You should be sleeping in!

You’re still in college, you still have time to binge watch Netflix, just wait until you have responsibilities!

I was hearing these things, and I was letting them sink in.

I was silencing that inner voice inside of me that was saying “you’re different. You’ve got something really big and beautiful to bring to this world.”

I was being selfish; I wasn’t moving forward.

But at the same time, I understand what everyone was saying, “slow down”. College is the years of the least amount of responsibility and the most amount of freedom.

The most amount of freedom.

I beg to differ. The reason why I am working so damn hard is so I can create a life with unlimited freedom. But unfortunately, for most people, they just don’t think it’s possible for them. So, they NEED to live it up in college, because once the real world hits, there will just be no time for that.

My soul was telling me differently. Do you know how I know? Because when I was doing “the normal” I was falling into a funk, an almost depression-like state, where I wasn’t present in the moment, and instead living overwhelmed days, wondering “when am I going to snap out of it?”

This morning, my inner voice spoke to me. It told me, “you haven’t been you recently. But that’s okay. That’s the beauty of life. Now that you’ve realized it, it’s your duty to grow stronger.”

So here I am, being candid with all of you, letting you know that despite how “put together” someone may look on the outside, we ALL have struggles, we all deal with issues. And we all feel off course for days, weeks, and sometimes even months and years. But that doesn’t have to become a permanent reality. Because we are human, and we are WAY stronger than that.

I believe that society puts this stereotype on college, “the best 4 years of your life”, so every student feels as though they need make the absolute most of it, and for many, that means compromising their values, drinking themselves into oblivion, trying every drug in the book, and allowing one day to blur into the next.

I’m not knocking that life. You should have seen me during my freshman and sophomore year. But, don’t let that “life” take you away from your true calling; what your soul is trying to say to you. If you know you are meant for more, go out and become MORE. YOU deserve it, and so does your future, because let’s be real here, who honestly wants their college years to be the “best years of their life”, doesn’t that mean you peak in your early 20s? What does that say about the next 60-80 years of your life? That you will never be as happy as you were when you were 22? How sad is that…..

I hope this gave you something to think about; if you enjoyed reading, and would like to gain a little more insight into my life, follow me on Facebook!

Until next time….

Shelby

 

One thought on “When You’re Not You.

  1. Lovely post. Society can be really cruel and make us puppets. We should start focusing more on our own lives and gain the confidence to not need the opinion of others!

    Like

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