Mirror Mirror On The Wall…

I’m the most Badass of them all. Nope, not going to apologize for saying that one; want to know why? Because I know I’m a badass. And honestly, you are, too. You might not feel like it yet, but you are. But before we dive into finding your “inner badass-ery”, let’s talk about that person you see in the mirror.

I want you to think back to the last time you were looking in the mirror, and you were alone. Like maybe this morning as you were getting dressed, or brushing your teeth. When you looked into the mirror, what were you thinking?

I bet I can read your minds:

Man, I could definitely lose some weight.

I wish I had a perkier butt.

WHERE ARE THOSE ABS!?!?!

Shit, I am SO pale.

Yikes, when did that pimple show up?

I wish I had bigger boobs.

I wish I had smaller boobs.

None of my clothes look good on me.

My hair looks like a rats nest.

I’m not as pretty as my friends.

Smile, you just gotta get through the day.

Any of these sound familiar? I’ve said them all…well maybe not the one about smaller boobs…but for the most part, I’ve said them all. Now, don’t get me wrong, I’m sure there are times when you stand in front of your mirror and you’re like, Daaaaaamnnnn, I look good! But let’s be real here, what is more common? The positive self talk, or the negative?

I’m going to safely guess the negative. Do you want to know why I “safely” guessed that? Because we are ALL our own worst critic. And it’s horrible.

But, I mean, it’s the truth. Right? Isn’t that what you’re thinking when you talk about yourself? Because if it wasn’t true, why would you say it?

Listen to me: it’s only the truth if you make it the truth.

What?

It’s a crazy world we live in, but trust me when I say this, the Universe listens to what you say. And the more negative self-talk that you throw upon yourself, more and more reasons to be negative will show up. It’s a Universal Law: The Law of Attraction. What you focus on, you find. What you focus on, expands. I could go on and on about this, but if you’re really interested in learning more, check out the documentary called The Secret (yes, it’s on Netflix…you’re welcome.)

Now, here’s the real question: How do we break this cycle of being our own worst critic? It’s quite simple. Be our own best friend. Think about it, would you tell your best friend all the same things you tell yourself? I know I’m making a lot of guesses today, but I’m going to go ahead and guess again, the answer is NO, right? Okay, so WHY IN THE WORLD do you say it to yourself?

Start treating YOU like YOU would treat your best friend. You deserve that kind of treatment.

And I have the perfect way for you to start: Positive Affirmations. Positive What? Positive Affirmations. These are statements that you make about yourself that start with the phrase, “I am….” and it is followed by something positive. Here are a few examples:

I am a badass.

I am smart.

I am sexy.

I am courageous.

I am funny.

I am successful.

I am respected.

I am a millionaire.

These are just a few of my affirmations. Did you catch that last one? No, I am not a millionaire, BUT I will become one. See, the thing about positive affirmations are that they don’t have to be true just yet. If we go back to the Law of Attraction, you will find that I said “what you focus on you find”, so if you focus on speaking positive words that you know are or will become true, then, guess what? You will begin to find that they ARE true. Again, this is a Universal Law, take it or leave it.

But, the bottom line to this whole post is: You Are A Badass, no matter what. Tell yourself this. Shout this from the rooftops. Stare at yourself in the mirror with the same intensity that Rocky Balboa had before his fights, and tell yourself, “I AM a badass!“. Nobody else has to hear you, but YOU have to hear you.

Just freakin’ do it, trust me.

Xoxo,

Shelby

P.S. Want some daily badass-ery on your Facebook Newsfeed? Yes? Great! Follow me and I’ll be sure to deliver 😉

 

Who Pissed In Your Cheerios?

Admit it, you clicked this because of the title, right? You saw this, and immediately thought, “Ok, where the hell is she going with this one?” Well, let me tell YOU! This is my favorite retort to anyone who gives me an attitude in the morning. I wouldn’t necessarily call myself a “morning person” and that’s mostly because I believe labels are stupid and they allow us to fall into this “role” we think we need to play, but that’s a whole other post. I really enjoy the mornings, I think they are awesome, especially when I’m not rushing around and can actually enjoy my cup of coffee instead of burning the sh*t out of my mouth trying to chug it before I leave.

So, let’s talk about attitude. Attitude is a choice. You can choose to have a positive attitude, or a negative attitude, and I’m here to tell you that what you choose will determine how you go through the rest of your day. It’s the truth. Imagine mornings as if they are a fork in the road, and you can either choose the positive path or the negative path, but once you choose that path, you’re on it for the rest of the day. It may sound a little morbid, especially for those “grumpypants” out there. Yes, I just used the word “grumpypants”. But, it is what it is.

Now you may be thinking: My morning started off horribly, I woke up late, tripped over my shoes on my way to the bathroom, fell asleep in the shower (which made me even MORE late), I burnt my eggs, it’s raining and I can’t find my rain jacket, UGH and now they’re playing “Thinking Outloud” by Ed Sheeran for the 40th time on the radio. This day SUCKS. Sound familiar? Ok, ok, ok, I get it. You can’t wake up every morning with sunshine and daisy’s growing out of your floorboards. You may be thinking this whole “fork in the road” analogy is great in theory, but nearly impossible in practice. Listen to me, it’s NOT.

You have a choice. You can either react or respond. Remember that, react or respond.

Ironically, as I’m writing this, I’m jamming out to J. Biebs, “What Do You Mean”…so allow me to explain what exactly I mean….

Reacting is what MOST people do, and I’ll be the first to encourage you to NOT be most people. When something happens to them, they react. If most people had a morning like that one I described above, you can bet there would be a lot of screaming, “ugh”ing, cursing, and they may even cut some people off on their way to work, just to feel better about themselves. Reacting is allowing your emotions to get ahead of you. Reacting will lead you down the path you DON’T want. Reacting takes a completely calm person and turns them into a screaming monster (trust me, I’ve been this person before).

Responding is the KEY to this whole positive/negative attitude thing I’m talking about. The first step in responding is acknowledgement. Yes, I’m telling you to acknowledge the negative. In the example I gave above, acknowledge that your morning hasn’t been ideal. Keyword here is “hasn’t”, this is past tense. When you acknowledge the negative, speak in past tense, do not use present tense. So, what I mean by this is: don’t say, “My morning isn’t going as planned”, this is not the kind of acknowledgement I’m encouraging. By speaking in past tense, it will open your subconscious to the possibility of CHANGE. By speaking in past tense, you are releasing the events of the morning. You have now opened your mind to a better day.

Other than acknowledgement of the negative, there is one last step in the responding process. Affirm the attitude you desire for the day. This is said in present tense. “I am radiating peace and love today.” “I am exuding my total badass-ery today.” “I am a f**king champion.” Everyone has different forms of positive attitudes they desire.

Now, if you are having trouble grasping this concept of responding, don’t worry, you are NOT alone. But I encourage you to try the simple 2 steps I described above. For first timers, you will feel a little silly saying your affirmations, but I promise you, your subconscious mind will hear you and work for you. Your subconscious mind doesn’t know the difference between what’s real and what’s not, so even though you may not feel like a total badass or a f**king champion, your subconscious mind will still work with your conscious mind to make that affirmation become reality. Please trust me on this.

Remember, your attitude is your choice. How your day goes is your choice. Whether you react or respond is your choice.

Xoxo,

Shelby

What’s All This Talk About Courage?

Alright, it’s about time I make a post about courage, I mean, the name of this blog is Coffee Shops and Courage Talks, right? And I’ve mentioned coffee quite a few times throughout the last blog posts, so let’s get in to the other half: the deeper and more soulful half.

I’d like to start this one out with a definition, and this definition will guide our discussion today:

Courage (n): The ability to do something that frightens one.

I don’t really think that definition is a surprise to anyone, remember the lion from the Wizard of Oz? He was a real “scaredy cat” before he received the gift of courage from the Wizard, and then all of a sudden, he was able to take on anything, you could really hear him ROOOOOARRRRRR! What a pleasant way to end the movie, with all the characters getting exactly what they were searching for from the great Wizard himself….

Wait a second, didn’t he find out that he really had courage all along? Wasn’t that the whole twist at the end? Yes. YES! So, his courage wasn’t actually a gift, it was simply realized, and it took him quite the journey to finally understand that he what he was searching for, he actually already had.

This is LIFE. Welcome. 

As humans, we have an incredible power to overcome adversity. This is not my opinion, this is a fact. And part of overcoming this adversity is having the courage to do so. So, in lamest terms, the key to prospering is having courage. Now, I’m not naive enough to say that just by “having courage” you are going to see all of your wildest dreams come true, that is simply not the case.

But here is what IS the case: understanding that by exercising your courage, you will grow stronger in the face of adversity, and this is really where you will begin to see your dreams become reality.

We all have fears, some are rational and some are totally irrational (like my fear of walk-in freezers), and these fears are what stand in the way of our success. And the biggest fear among our population is the fear of failure. Let’s talk about this for a second…

Along with the fear of failure comes a host of SO many other fears: being ridiculed, being judged, being proved wrong, etc. And most people will put aside their hopes and dreams because they are afraid of failing in the process. Guys, COME ON.

Remember what I said about the lion? He had courage within him all along, but in order to realize this, he had to go on a crazy journey to see the Wizard? Okay, I’m not saying you need to find a Wizard, but you do have to go on a journey. And along this journey, YOU ARE GOING TO FAIL, but, that’s the beauty of the journey, that it keeps on going, even after the first failure.

So where is this magical journey? Newsflash, it’s LIFE. 

Your life is going to happen regardless of whether you embrace your inner courage or not. The minutes will keep passing, so will the days, and so will the years. And along this journey, you can choose to make the most of your minutes, days, and years, or you can let it pass you by.

You might be wondering, how do I make the most of my life? And I’m sure you can guess my answer, you embrace your courage. We all have it within us. Let me say that again, we ALL have it within us. And what separates those who we all desire to be (like Beyoncé, for example), and those who let life pass them by is the amount of courage these people exert on a daily basis.

All this is great, right? No, it’s not, because let’s be real here, it’s a hell of a lot easier to talk about finding your courage than it is actually living a courageous life. You may be thinking, where do I start? First off, you start today, and you start by doing ONE THING that scares you. You’ve heard that quote before, right?

So let’s break it down:

Think about your ideal lifestyle and what it will take to get there. Don’t think about the immensity of it all, just think about the vehicle you are going to use to get there; for me, it’s my Network Marketing business, for my friend, Dustin, it’s his weekly podcasts, and for my friend Chris, it’s his baseball career. All of these things are vastly different, but they will all lead us to a life of our dreams. What is it for you? It can be ANYTHING.

Now, I want you to think of the skills that are necessary for becoming the master of your vehicle. The most important skills and the least important skills, everything and anything. Ok, got it?

Today, I want you to do one thing that scares you, and that is in relation to the skills you just thought of. For example, a huge part of Network Marketing is building relationships, and a huge part of building relationships is meeting new people, and a huge part of meeting new people is chatting with strangers, and a huge part of chatting with the strangers is learning to say hi to people. Do you see how I whittled a big, scary skill down into a very simple daily action? You can do the same thing. And today, it is my goal to say hi to at least 3 strangers. Does that sound hard? No. Does it sound a little scary? Yes. Do I have the courage to complete this simple task? Yes.

And you do, too. 

Xoxo,

Shelby

P.S. if you want to chat more about this on a 1-on-1 basis, please reach out to me via Facebook, I would love to brainstorm ways to elevate and realize your inner courage!

 

A Day in My Life: Red Ants, Truth Bombs, and Coffee

“You can’t always choose what happens to you, but you can always choose how you feel about it.” -Danielle LaPorte, The Desire Map

That quote above is what I call a truth bomb. Now, of course, the term “truth bomb” isn’t what we would call a legitimate term, in other words, you can’t look this phrase up in the Oxford Dictionary. (Although, side note, you can look up the word “selfie”, crazy world we live in today, isn’t it?) But, despite the fact that you won’t find this phrase in a legitimate dictionary, I still want to give you an accurate definition of what exactly a “truth bomb” is, so without hesitation, I consulted Urban Dictionary, because despite some of the more ridiculous answers, I knew I’d be able to find at least one good definition of the phrase:

Truth Bomb (n): A fact, or a piece of knowledge, that when told to the listener, is devastating to the listener’s argument or world view.

I personally believe this is a phenomenal definition, and if you beg to differ, please comment below on what you believe is a better definition, seriously, do it, I won’t be offended. But anyways, let’s go on with the show here….

As I mentioned above, this quote is a total truth BOMB, and I want to encourage you all to take some time to let this quote digest because it’s often hard for us humans to accept responsibility for our feelings.

For instance, let’s look at the events that took place this morning: I woke up, absolutely exhausted, and contemplating whether or not to skip my 8:15 AM yoga session. I pressed the snooze alarm up until the absolute last minute, and then I thought to myself, Shelby, stop being such a little “b” and get UP! You love yoga, you preach yoga, just get your *** to yoga! So, I got up and began to rush through my morning routine. As I stepped into my bathroom to brush my teeth and wash my face, I felt a little sting on my foot, I immediately jumped, screamed, and looked down to see my feet and the rug COVERED in red ants. WHAT!?!?!! OUCH, NO! MOOOOOOMMMMMM! (Side note, this is the kind of thing that happens when you leave a full trash bag by your front door in the Carribean…) So, in an effort to still make it to yoga in time, but also deal with this red ant problem, I grabbed a bottle of bleach and began killing this LONG line of ants that was storming into my room. I won the war in a matter of seconds, and after checking my clock, I noticed I had about 10 minutes to get to Yoga; it’s a 10 minute drive away. I threw on my yoga attire, and began looking for my dad, because he’s the one that does the driving down here in the Dominican (trust me, if you are not a tad bit crazy, the driving conditions are really not suitable for you). I noticed he wasn’t around, and turns out, he was at the grocery store. Welp, looks like yoga is not happening today. 

And, it didn’t. Alright, Shelby, roll with the punches. I let this event pass by and went on with my morning routine. Things were going well, and I even had a kickass Skype session with a friend who is doing kickass things with personal development and livin’ the kickass entrepreneurial lifestyle. So despite the craziness of the morning, I felt like the day was picking up; it was time to explore the coffee shops downtown and write today’s entry.

I ended up at one of my favorite breakfast spots in Cabarete called Friends. They have great coffee and reliable Wi-Fi, so I knew I could really get my juices flowin’ and write you all a great post. I grabbed a nice spot with a view of the street, perfect for people watching. I ordered my coffee, black of course, and I opened up my iPad. I was ready to deliver the GOODS.

Guess what? The Wi-Fi didn’t work. It didn’t work for me, and ONLY me. Seriously, everyone else around me could connect but for some reason, my iPad was giving me an attitude. And I couldn’t even leave to head over to the next place, I had already ordered my coffee; I was stuck there. If you know me, I’m a “get it done” kind of girl, so when my schedule was thrown off, so was I.

Ugh, today is just NOT going my way. This sucks. Ugh. Ugh. Ugh. I don’t get it! Why isn’t this damn wifi working. Ugh! This is stupid, this coffee isn’t even that good, ugh I shouldn’t have bothered coming here, I should have just stayed at home to write. 

All of a sudden, I seemed to have forgotten about my awesome Skype session earlier. I seemed to have forgotten that I’m in the Dominican Republic. I seemed to have forgotten that I woke up this morning with my health and my mind still intact. And most of all, I seemed to have forgotten that I CONTROL MY ATTITUDE, and thus MY OUTCOME.

“You can’t always choose what happens to you, but you can always choose how you feel about it.” What did I say before? TRUTH FREAKIN’ BOMB. Calm down, Shelby. Take a deep breath and remember your Core Desired Feelings: Freedom, Gratitude, Inspire, Love, Courage. Are you exuding those right now? The answer, is an obvious “No”. Once I “checked up from the neck up” (a.k.a. did a little assessment of my current thoughts and released those that were not serving me), I literally felt a smile spread across my face, a little weight was lifted off my shoulders, and I knew that everything is really not as bad as it seems; it usually never is.

And then, all of a sudden, an ADORABLE little toddler walked in to the restaurant (with his parents in tow) carrying a little blue guitar, and he was strumming it like he was the next Jack Johnson. He was the kind of cute that you just stop what you’re doing and stare. And without even thinking about it, I said out loud, “AWWWWWW”. And I laughed. The Universe was sending me a sign, lighten up.

I listened. I’ve learned the Universe never fails us. And if you’re new to my style of writing, learning, and leading, then you may not feel comfortable when I use “the Universe” like it’s some magical invisible force that gives us everything that we desire in life, well, I’m going to challenge you and say that it’s because you haven’t learned to listen yet. The Universe will reward you 10x when you open your heart, soul, and mind to what it’s capable of doing.

So, at the end of this whole ordeal, I learned to remind myself of my Core Desired Feelings, and to choose THOSE feelings over the anxiety of things not going exactly the way I planned.

I encourage you to commit the quote at the beginning of this post to memory, and every time you’re having one of those “WHY ME” moments, just remember, YOU control how you FEEL. YOU control the outcome.

Xoxo,

Shelby

P.S. If you are looking for more daily truth bombs, follow me on Facebook, Shelby Wildgust, because I post them on the reg!